I'm feeling in a weird spot right now. Outside of time, is the only way I can really describe it. Normally, I feel acutely aware of my passing life and all the time I'm wasting by doing stupid shit instead of working on a passion project of music or writing or whatever. Normally, every day hurts from scathing self-criticism and loathing. The last few days, though, I've just been content and apathetic towards those things that normally haunt me, feeling no concern over my lack of progress towards anything other than taking care of my day job and being a father to my kids.
I wonder, is this fleeting period of respite from my inner turmoil a blessing, or is it the devil with a new trick to steal my time away from the pursuits I normally burn for? Is it a sign of maturity that I've temporarily set aside my adolescent pursuits to bask in the simple joy of earning a paycheck and playing with my children? Or is it a sign that I'm another dreamer who let his potential die on the vine, too content with blessing to pursue anything greater?
This is where my counselor would probably just smack his head and laugh at me for thinking too much. I'm at least three kinds of idiot, I know. Most of this is probably because the last week or so has been pretty easy at work, it gets me feeling pretty complacent Once things start getting busy again, I'm sure I'll go back to my usual coping mechanism of wishing for a career in music or writing.
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