head full of dreams

I have a head full of dreams, I can still get like this.  I don't know any more if that's right or wrong.  Fighting tooth and nail to survive a job and keep getting a paycheck to support my family, I have to wonder if the value of dreams is simply as anasthetic. 

Either way, I'm blackout drunk on this depression right now, so thoughts of work are hard to hold on to and the dreams float and flutter, always swishing away when I try to grab at them.  I tried to work more on that song I've been toying with... for the hours I spent on it, it was all frustration and discouragment.  Having about eight hours separation, I think I made a little more progress than I thought, but it wasn't nearly as much as I was hoping for.  One way or another, the core of this song is something I've heard in my head for years, it's something personal and I will fight for it.  Even if I fuck up the execution on making a song out of it that I would share with others, the core of it, the drive of it, is immutable, incorruptible, will always be there for me.  If I fail to convey it properly to others, oh well, at least it will be mine.

Stealing a rare moment alone at night.  Working late.  Mostly the truth.  Sometimes I just need to be alone, sometimes I just need every one to go to bed without me and leave me with my darkness and dreams.  I still can't decide which is reality, the day or the night?  Two sides of the same coin, I suppose, but it just seems impossible.  The dark of night, the light of day, I don't know, there's something about the night, this kind of night where it seems like possibilities exist, things that will be incontestably impossible if considered after the sun comes up tomorrow.

I should go to bed, but it's not like I've been getting any sleep there anyway.