pirate talkin' stupid bullshit

Today was supposed to be different.  Today, I was going to get shit done.  Today, I was going to send a third email, explaining again to a coworker that I cannot move forward with Project A until he does his part.  Today, I was going to review the orphaned busywork Project B that I was handed, so that I could summarize to my boss, for the second time in as many months, why Project B cannot be completed as written, with further explanations (and specfic examples cited) regarding how it's dead in the water until third parties respond to my information requests.  Today, I was going to craft a carefully worded email to my aforementioned boss explaining that I'm bored and depressed and I'm going to lose my shit completely if he doesn't give me a real assignment that is not bullshit and to please tell me his expectations regarding Projects A & B in light of the fact that they cannot be completed until other people stop ignoring my emails. 

That's what I was supposed to do today, that is the plan of action I intended to implement.  Instead I sat at my desk doing basically nothing and ate a whole 13-ounce package of Chips Ahoy! cookies in the process.  Now I hate myself (even more) and I feel like I might throw up.

So.... yay!!!!  My wife and kids are going to be home any minute and I don't know how I can even hold my head up to look at them.  It's as if my shame were a fifty pound weight, tied to a string, the other end of which is stapled to my forehead, forever pulling my gaze down to my shoes.  I'm supposed to be a role model for these kids, I'm supposed to be providing for them, how can I go up there and look them in the eye, how can I go up there a smile and be the playful, cheerful dad they deserve, when I just feel horrible and worthless?  Depresso the Mopey Dad is not a good dad.  I've got just minutes to pull my shit together just enough to fake it 'til bedtime, for their sake. 

I've said 'shit' several times, but I feel like I've been wallowing in shit all day, so I suppose it's fitting enough to forgive myself for it.  I'll try to be more creative next time...